In the real world, though, we seem to confuse people everywhere we go. Just a few days earlier, as we waited in line for ice cream, Kellie whispered to me, “That couple is staring at us.” When I looked up, a man in his late forties looked away the moment he met my eyes. His wife, who was my age, was busy attending to their two daughters. We actually had a lot in common: we were both families of four getting ice cream in Hawaii. If Kellie and I had been straight we might have all nodded to each other in recognition, but because we are queer, our difference is what marks us. I can only guess what people think as they watch us from a distance. Who is that, exactly? they may wonder about Kellie. Is she a family friend? An aunt? Are they lesbians? They are, of course, only curious, which is a different thing from being hostile. But it is also a different thing from being friendly.

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